'I Made The Most Terrible Mistake Ever, How Do I Win Back His Love?'

I am a married young woman of 29, blessed with a set of twinsboy and girl. I am confused because I have made a terrible mistake that I do not even know what to do or how to redeem myself esteem and my relationship. How can I make things right again I do not know, really. You might say what you like about me but I need your help, please.  I believe that any sin committed or realised been committed, the best way as Almighty said is to confess and get away from it. I have confessed mine but things went wrong and out of hand. It was just one good and bad night that I slept with a family friend and who also was a former colleague. This action has put me in a serious mess as I cannot get on with my husband just like we used to before.  How it all happened, it was short but a little bit long story.

This man admired me a lot when we were working together but I never give a damn. He is also a friend to my husband; they met abroad when he quit his job here, the office I am working. We attended a get-together farewell party together and this man with other friends were all there since they all come from abroad together for holiday and celebrations. I chatted and drank with them. I did not know how it happened but I am very sure that they spiked my drink. I cannot proof this but it happened that I found myself inside this good for nothing man’s car.  He was forcing me to wake up saying ‘get up and arrange yourself.’  As I tried to rise up my head I remember him saying ‘get out quick before ….. (he mentioned my husband’s name) will come to look for us.’ I got out and we walked back to the gathering. But I was not myself as I felt nausea. Getting back home in the second day I tried to put things together in my mind. So I remembered that I felt dizzy and he offered to walk me around to clear my head. I thought over this many times and soliloquized about it like one rehearsing a part in a drama on its own. Throughout the day I did not get myself, I felt a huge slap on my back and a sharp pain in my heart.

 My husband traveled back at the wee hour of the second day. But because of the love he has for me I cannot take it any longer because I thought that the only way I will be able to live with this is to let my husband know what went wrong that good but devilish night. I summoned courage at the fourth day when he has got to his base, with pain in my heart, and explained everything to him. He was very hurt, angry and full of disappointment in both of us (the friend, myself) and I will say especially me, without thinking of the circumstances surrounding it. Since I explained to him he never spoke with me but always sent an offline message to ask about our children.  Last month he came back without telling me that he is coming and now that he is around I tried to found out if he discusses this with anyone but it is proving very difficult for me to know. Though, none of his friends or other family members acted strangely to me. But I saw it written in his diary that “…traveling home on… to my family to solidify my marriage, I love my family and I want the best for my children.” With this I believed that he came back to make the marriage work in spite of all he said to me on the phone when I explained to him.

I know he still loves me like I am badly crazy about him, too.  Since he came we did not say or discuss anything about the incident. But it is just difficult for us I will say to be overly on each other like before the incident. Again, I think he is watching me because he is suspicious of everything about me like what I do, where I go, who I chat with, my friend and even when I finish cooking and dishing, I swear with style he want me to taste it first! This is making me uncomfortable and jittering in everything I am doing whenever he is around at home.  Do you think things will ever be the same again?